The Secret of the Goatee

(This post is dedicated to our friend who runs a t-shirt shop in FarEast Shopping Centre. Ask and it shall be given.)

There is no self-respecting male creative type or wannebe creative type who has not tried growing a goatee (if he is not already the proud owner of one). Many have failed. Not because they lack the inspiration, the creative ability or the will power. But for the lack of good advice. Ampulets decided to conduct this interview with ourselves to reveal, once and for all, the secret to growing a healthy goatee.

Y(vonne): Hello, are you free? Can I ask you a few questions about your goatee.
J(ames): Can, I just finished doing my laundry.
Y: OK, good. I can't grow a goatee. Thank goodness. But can you tell me why and when you decided to grow one?
J: It's quite some time ago already. When I was in University.
Y: That's a very long time ago! And why?
J: Why? Er...could ex. Oh oh. I think she suggested it.
Y: Oh......
J: No no, it was my decision.
Y: You sure?
J: Yes, yes, sure. It was to replace a moustache. Also I've always liked sideburns since I was young, all kinds.
Y: What a disappointing answer. Nothing to do with some latent creativity?
James J: Yes, some of that too. It's an extension of my personality. Because I look like an ape. So anyone who grows one should think hard about how a goatee extends his personality. Not everyone will look good with one.
Y: Yes, not everyone looks like an ape! But what makes a good goatee?
J: A good goatee is one that you feel good about when you look in the mirror everyday.
Y: That's a boring answer!
J: But it's true. A goatee is something you have to love and treat well. You must take care of it and cultivate it. For example, you shampoo your hair daily and wash your face. For a goatee, it's very important to trim it. Trim your goatee.
Y: OK, that's if you already have one. What if someone without a goatee wants to grow one?
J: Well, firstly, growing a goatee for Asians takes a lot of patience, unless you have very dark roots.
Y: Is chest hair a prerequisite?
J: Hmm...yes. [Probably looking pleased with himself] Having chest hair means you'll have higher chance of growing a good goatee. You must have a little bit of the goatee gift from God. Some people say that you have to shave more often -
Y: That's like the reverse-psychology strategy!
J: [Ignoring Y] Others say use XO. But I have my own secret way to grow and keep a goatee looking good.
Y: So what's the secret?
J: Sorry, I can't say. I will only share it with the folks who are very serious about growing a goatee.
Y: What? But I already promised at the start that you will tell!
J: Cannot. I don't think it's right for everyone who is not serious about it to try and grow a goatee. It's not right.
Y: Huh? My blog post how? Say something leh.
J: "Be patient" and "Just let it grow".
Y: ... Bye.


i think age/aging plays a part too. i remember when i first brought NAB to our crew party and you thought, "wah - where did she find that boy from? and then a couple of years later, he started having the ability to grow goatees, just like that. :-)
oh yah - where is my t-shirt?! :-)
ampulets said…
Who is NAB? Aiyah, been sourcing for good t-shirt (those that have no stitches on the side, do not stretch or shrink, good cutting ones)- but dont seems to be able to find any in Singapore. Found some cotton planet ones - but they shrink after one wash; the ones in Art friend - expanded after wash. Prints is also sometime that we are figuring out - iron-on tends to fade...probably have to find out how to do silk-screen. so there is seriously keen ah? Angel Wings?
Terz said…
Hello, Auntie Amps. You drink with them so much, you forget who NAB is already ah? This is the web leh, how can so easy 'out' someone's secret identity one? :)
ampulets said…
orh...i think i know liao. sotong. but still dont know why NAB. not important. if you guys have good-lobang for t-shirt maker/ printer - let us now - cos got quite a few ideas stucked, cos can't really implement.
ampulets said…
let me clarify that the previous comments were from the goatee-growing member of Ampulets (note the bad English).

Yah, I thought NAB was 16! But NAB still looks like a boy lah(compliment).
eh, goatee amps, NAB is your other boyfriend lah! wah lao - this is so going to break his heart!

what about good ol' Hanes plain white t?

about printing, i have no experience, but maybe friend knows. will find out. and yes! angel wings!
ampulets said…
As far as I can recall, hanes fitting not too good. Also seldom see hanes plain tees these days. saw some anvil at penisular. but need to check out the fitting first. Aiyah, NAB is alright one lah...I wrote email to him, he also reply. He broke me heart first. chek...goatee amps
hanes ok for me lah - anvil got big sizes only right?

how come he broke your heart first? even after replying your email??
ampulets said…
sorry. i mean...he never reply...hee

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