My excuse was having to archive the stuff on J's mobile phone so that I can terminate the phone line and take over his iPhone which has a better camera than mine. Of course, this meant looking (again) at over 17,000 photographs on his phone.
Here’s one I found when everyone was still using “hipstamtic” for square IG photos - remember?? I share this cos vanity has overtaken me again and I just think we both look so damn fit (and relatively young, and J still grumpy) in this photo that it feels unreal. That year I think I could run up and and down the 6km macritichie trail under 45min. I can still walk that trail now, maybe in under 2 hours haha. Oh well. A different time. A different body.
J obviously didn’t take this photo, although it was taken with his phone. This was taken at the start of the Macritchie’s treetop bridge. That afternoon we were taking a walk with a few friends.... @stella_kwan @jonathanyuen and @messymsxi ?? Over the years we had taken different groups of friends to walk Macritchie. It was always super tiring for everyone but incredibly fun and rewarding - cos the walks are usually followed by a well deserved sinful meal!
What I also found were J's photographs of me. Since I'm not one to take selfies, I actually don't have photographs of myself. So seeing these photographs were a little strange, like looking into a mirror but not.
Many were taken at my mom's house, hanging out and acting silly with the nieces/nephews; when we are out exploring some neighbourhood, walking or running; during Taipei holidays, or when I am stoning across from him in a cafe or restaurant waiting for my coffee or food. Either I was caught unaware or when he asked me to pose, it was always awkward or I was doing something stupid. The latter was a default mode - we enjoyed doing silly things or pulling silly expressions around each other.
Of course I would miss all this - having someone always looking upon you with love and looking out for you. So I realise there is a passing too of a self that was with J - that self that knew it was there for J is also not there any more. I only realise this recently, and the need therefore to let this go, and start again.
I place a few of these photos here. When I look at them, I mostly see him instead, standing or sitting across from me.