10.2.06

The Day Before...

ward

J and I, after consulting our folks, decided we should just go ahead with the wedding tomorrow despite Ma J's ill health.

I did say this was going to be a busy week of firsts, though now it is busier than we had anticipated. So on the day before the wedding, J is out with his sis visiting employment agencies to see if they could hire a domestic helper to be with his folks when Ma J does finally get to go home. And I am actually at home after a week out running errands and hanging out at the Tan Tock Seng hospital - seated now by the ibook, downloading information on caring for stroke patients, sipping my coffee, while writing a 12 page report I owe my boss (as more things - always urgent - crop up at work), getting some distraction completing this drawing and trying not to think about what else I should be doing now.

One step at a time!

about the drawing
J and I were talking last night about what it means to care for one's parents. Being the youngest son and having lived away from home all these years, that responsibility had never fallen on him. For some, caring for your parents may mean taking them out for a meal every week, nagging them about that healthcheck and making conversation. For others, that responsibility is partly devolved by hiring a fulltime caregiver - a stayhome nurse or a domestic helper.

This week at the hospital, we saw two old ladies (in the same ward as Ma J) spend their days at the hospital with their Indonesian helper - they watch the television together, chitchat in fluent Bahasa Indonesia or Malay and sometimes even Cantonese, take walks and share meals. Everything a mother and daughter would do together.

5 comments:

orangeclouds said...

Ack, I'd wish I'd realised earlier that the big day for you guys was THIS soon.

Here is an extract from Kahlil Gibran's The Prophet, to mark the occasion:

"You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.

You shall be together when white wings of death scatter your days.

Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.

But let there be spaces in your togetherness,

And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another but make not a bond of love:

Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.

Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.

Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.

Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,

Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.

For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.

And stand together, yet not too near together:

For the pillars of the temple stand apart,

And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow."

shadow said...

Keeping you all in prayer!

fortycalibernap said...

by now it is no longer the day before, but the day.

in fact, i'd be willing to guess that the wedding is underway at this moment, or just concluded.

so i'm not too late . . . tried to get this in yesterday when the post first came up, but blogger was boggled and wouldn't take.

i wish you two everything that's wonderful, and even everything that's not wonderful so long as it helps you find your way together.

sometimes you can tell someone's really good, even at a distance . . . and i've always had that sense of the two of you. strongly.

it shows in the way you've carried the issue of the stroke, midstream. no panic, just real concern, well-placed intentions and actions, love.

and if there's an example of any one thing in the midst of all this, it is the meaning of love -- how universal it is, how faithful is love that if you can exclude all the confusing details of life and just use love alone as a guiding light, it will carry you along in whatever needs to be met and shared.

i love you both: for who you are and what you do. this sentiment ain't twee, isn't misplaced, and is anything but overemphasized.

and when you understand enough about love to let it guide you in the way you do, the fact that i can say i love you both isn't even puzzling.

i believe there are a great many people who feel this way about you. perhaps most of them don't write it down. it's legitimate in its power in any case.

the honeymoon suite is ready in new jersey whenever you want to take advantage of it :)

ampulets said...

Thanks for all your prayers, poetry and love (and the offer of a place to crash) - all of which mean much to J and i ;>

will put up some pics soon of the wedding...once I finish the paper I owe my boss!

orangeclouds said...

Hey hey and u have a place to stay in Beijing too, if you ever feel like visiting the Forbidden City :)

Will keep J's parents in prayer. And may the both of you continue to have loads of fun together, forever and ever!!

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